I’m going home next week and I feel weird about it. 

On the one hand, please Lord, let it be sunny and warm and not snowy so that I can smell the sun on the pines and see the blue sky that fills my heart. But on the other… I am different. This past year changed me. The trial-by-fire that was getting here changed me. The loneliness and depression changed me. The change in my work life changed me. Being here with just Doug changed me. I am fundamentally different than when I left and it’s strange to be going home as someone else. 

I haven’t changed this much (inside) since I was a teenager. I’m calmer and I’m completely self-reliant. For the first time in my life I don’t need anyone. I want the people in my life, rather than needing them to help me keep everything glued together. I’m braver than I’ve ever been. 

On the outside, I still look like I’ve been living in a dark closet for a year, but my insides are gold-plated steel. I’m strong and shiny on the inside and it’s just a matter of time ‘til it seeps outward. 

So anyway, if you’re in Denver and you want to chill next week on Thursday afternoon, let me know. I promise I won’t talk to you about my shiny insides.