I’m as happy as the next person about aviation, but that propellor is making me want to throw up. Gravity begone, indeed.
I see you and I see that lots of you are hurting. I don’t know if you came here for the spooky art, the every-once-in-a-while discussion of depression and anxiety or if you just like cats. Whatever the reason, I’m glad you’re here.
I want you to know something, because I get the impression that lots of you are young(er than me): I know it hurts and I can’t tell you that it’s going to stop hurting right away. For most people there’s no magic pill (and hey, if the fancy psych drugs have worked for you, you’re blessed my friend and we all send cheer your way - for many of us it’s hit or miss).
If you struggle with anxiety and depression, it’s a long road to walk and you may never see the end. I know that sounds terrible and I don’t mean for it to. What I’m trying to say here, is that it’s ok that it keeps happening, it’s not your fault. Depression and anxiety aren’t your fault.
I’m a firm believer that you save yourself. Yes, you need to talk to somebody, you need to reach out to people who are safe and who will help you, but that first step, that first reach, that’s all you, kitten. When you realize that every little thing you do to help yourself makes you your own savior, there’s something good there.
It’s one foot in front of the other and trying to listen to the superhero inside your head. The one that says, “Nah, going out tonight will make you tired, stay in and watch a million episodes of Buffy. Buffy makes us strong.” The one that says, “Even though it is the darkest black here inside our brain and we haven’t showered in a while, the sidewalk exists and we should walk around on it.” The one that says, “Don’t talk to that friend who acts like depression isn’t real anymore. Like not ever again.”
And little by little, things lighten up a bit and you can enjoy spooky pictures of ravens and revel in the fact that you know a dark corner of the world and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the dark corners. You’ll know a little something about Virginia Woolf or Poe in a way that others don’t. You’ll feel the whisper of the Crone or the far cry of the Valkyries and know that darkness is a beautiful part of the world and that the darkness in you is alright.
If you can’t convince yourself that it’s completely alright with you, know that it’s alright with me and you can sit here. Here’s my copy of Practical Magic and a cup of tea. Stay ‘til you feel strong again.
And absolutely if things get too dark, too twisty, too hard, or just too-too much, you tell somebody ok?
Let me just say this:
I have very little to say about Ferguson, because others have said it better, but I will say this:
My heart is broken and breaks again every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up to read and pore over what’s happening minutes from my home. I’m scared and I’m sad and I’m at a total loss for what to say. I have prayed to whatever gods may be listening and I’m waiting for justice and peace.